Accountability should not be interchanged with responsibility, nor should it be muddled with blame. To be accountable is a choice. You have to take the step yourself. It's something that cannot be allocated to an individual. Being accountable is the ability to affirm your actions and to discuss/explain your reasoning behind them. If anything, you're obligated to rationalise and own up. But first, you must take the step.
Whats important is to be transparent, which guides you to become accountable. When you become transparent, you automatically have nothing to hide. You invite trust and you construct yourself as a credible and honest individual. This should not be viewed in a negative light. When you're honest, people can see your feelings. But you have to be honest with yourself firstly before you can be honest with others. Being honest with yourself all starts with a productive sense of self-awareness. By being self-aware you acknowledge and accept what you say and do impacts/affects the opposition, e.g. your partner.
A lot of the time we end up at a dead-end despite being honest and upfront because we miss the actual point. We fail to bring forth the cure into our daily lives from being accountable. In actual fact, accountability is what aids us to implement the solution. You can recognise the accountability is lacking when the behaviour stays the same or gets worse, even if the apology is made. Its vital to acknowledge how you may of hurt or mistreated the people around you which should lead you to step one - to make the change.
Generally, the standard remedy for relationship drawbacks seems to be fruitful communication. A lot of emphasis is placed on talking things out. But a majority of the time, no matter how much we talk, the problems do not get resolved. Before you give up, consider one thing: simply talking is not efficient until we hold ourselves accountable to bring good change. If you take the route to be accountable [which you should] then know it means to own one's feelings. In essence your taking responsibility for your contribution to the relationship whether it's good or bad. This tells us accountability isn't something that you just do, it's also a way of thinking. It's how you think about others and their feelings. It's about the commitments that hold you closely together.
When you hold others accountable for their actions/behaviours, sometimes they can become defensive and becoming defensive is certainly a reaction. However, when acting on a situation, you can reply with clarity and realisation. It is always better to act instead of reacting and we can practice this by pausing for a couple of seconds, taking a few deep breaths, sitting down or counting to ten. All these cues give us a period of time to observe and assess the situation from your partner's perspective. Here we have emotional intelligence, specifically empathy, [read my previous blog about emotional intelligence!]. Yes, it can be difficult at times in the heat of the moment to think from the other persons perspective. But remember, the person who has control over his mind and body is surely the strong one. If you were to be honest with yourself and your partner then you can effectively reply by being accountable.
Everyone falls into making mistakes and its essential to forgive yourself or your partner to overcome challenges which in result strengthens your relationship. When you view being accountable for your mistakes as a chance to learn, your relationship naturally becomes a place of beneficial growth. Forgiveness can build accountability and trust, it breaks down negative feelings and resentment, and stops blame. Being accountable for your actions in your relationship demands integrity, open communication and an eagerness to address uncomfortable situations. These discussions are not always easy to have, but by doing so you'll enhance the trust within your relationship over a period of time. It's important to understand holding someone to account does not make you a higher authority in a hierarchical sense in a relationship. For this reason, successful and effective accountability only comes from sincerity from both parties. And always, an accomplished and intimate relationship is a bond between two equals.
Ayaan
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